The Therapist’s
Handbook for
People-Pleasers
Breaking Free from the Need to Please and Reclaim Your Life
The Therapist’s Handbook for People-Pleasers
Breaking Free from the Need to Please and Reclaim Your Life
- AMAZON ASIN: B0DWLJVBSW
- Publisher:Independently published(2025)
- Language: English
- Paperback: 431 pages
- ISBN-13: 979-8309907205
- Item Weight: 1.27 pounds
- Dimensions: 6 x 0.89 x 9 inches
The Therapist’s Handbook for People-Pleasers
Breaking Free from the Need to Please and Reclaim Your Life
Introduction
Have you ever found yourself saying “yes” when you really wanted to say “no”? Do you often prioritize the needs of others above your own, even to the point of exhaustion or resentment? Do you constantly worry about what other people think of you? If so, you’re not alone. Millions of people struggle with people-pleasing, a pattern of behavior that can have a profound impact on our physical and mental health, our relationships, and our overall well-being.
People-pleasing is more than just being kind or helpful. It’s a deeply ingrained habit of prioritizing others’ needs to the detriment of our own. It’s about seeking external validation to feel worthy, avoiding conflict at all costs, and suppressing our own desires and opinions. While it may seem like a harmless way to maintain harmony, chronic people-pleasing can lead to burnout, anxiety, depression, strained relationships, and a profound sense of disconnection from our true selves.
As a therapist specializing in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), I’ve worked with countless individuals who have struggled with the burden of people-pleasing. I’ve seen firsthand the toll it takes and the incredible transformation that can occur when people learn to break free from this pattern.
CBT and ACT for People-Pleasers
This book is designed to be your comprehensive guide to overcoming people-pleasing and reclaiming your life. Using a practical, evidence-based approach rooted in CBT and ACT principles, we’ll explore the underlying causes of people-pleasing, identify your specific patterns, and equip you with the tools and strategies you need to set healthy boundaries, say no with confidence, and cultivate self-worth from within.
In Part 1, we’ll delve into the heavy toll that people-pleasing takes on our physical and mental health, our relationships, and our sense of self. We’ll explore the roots of this behavior and help you recognize your own unique patterns. In Part 2, you’ll learn practical strategies for challenging negative thoughts, managing difficult emotions, setting boundaries, and developing assertiveness skills. Finally, in Part 3, we’ll focus on maintaining your progress, dealing with external reactions, building a supportive network, and connecting with your authentic self.
This is not just a book about saying “no”; it’s a book about saying “yes” to yourself—to your needs, your values, and your true potential. It’s a journey of self-discovery, self-compassion, and empowerment. I’m here to guide you every step of the way.
Table of Contents
| Introduction | 1 |
| Part 1: Understanding the People-Pleasing Trap | 3 |
| Chapter 1: The Heavy Toll of People-Pleasing | 4 |
| Chapter 2: The Roots of People-Pleasing | 11 |
| Chapter 3: Recognizing Your People-Pleasing Patterns | 39 |
| Chapter 4: The Inner Critic, Negative Self-Talk, and Self-Gaslighting | 68 |
| Part 2: Breaking Free: Practical Strategies | 92 |
| Chapter 5: Challenging Unhelpful Thoughts: CBT Tools for Overcoming People-Pleasing | 93 |
| Chapter 6: Managing Difficult Emotions (CBT & ACT) | 94 |
| Chapter 7: Challenging Your Thoughts: Cognitive Restructuring (CBT) | 151 |
| Chapter 8: Setting Healthy Boundaries | 208 |
| Chapter 9: Developing Assertiveness Skills | 267 |
| Chapter 10: Saying No: Real-Life Strategies for the Recovering People-Pleaser | 296 |
| Part 3: Moving Beyond People-Pleasing: An ACT Path to Authentic Connection | 326 |
| Chapter 11: Embracing the Present: An Introduction to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) | 327 |
| Chapter 12: Cultivating Self-Compassion | 370 |
| Chapter 13: Clarifying and Living by Your Values | 388 |
| Moving Forward | 423 |
Meet Ronen Dancziger
Ronen Dancziger is a therapist and author who knows firsthand the challenges of anxiety. He believes in practical, no-nonsense tools that create real, lasting change—fast. His handbooks offer clear, evidence-based strategies for individuals facing personal struggles and for therapists looking to deepen their skills.
Rooted in Process-Based Therapy (PBT), Ronen integrates CBT and ACT to help people break free from unhelpful patterns. In addition to writing, he runs a private practice, working with clients on issues like anxiety, burnout, trauma, and emotional resilience. With a background in user-centered design and leadership in tech, he brings a solution-focused, results-driven approach to therapy and writing.
